U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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