How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
