So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
