i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
