I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
