I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
