Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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