This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
