I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
