why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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