the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
