Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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