I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
