I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
