she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
