I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
