She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
