So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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