I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
