I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
