Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Someone shit on the floor
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
