I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
