I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
