Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
