I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
