I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
