you guys were way drunker than both of me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
