just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
