what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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