Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
