One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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