He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He better not be in your backpack
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
