Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
