office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish you could order shots online.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
