You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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