i don't like sucking hair
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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