I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
