dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
