Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
