I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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