I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
