That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Bring me that man meat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
