Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
