your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
