you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
pray to the hookup gods
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
