if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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