Buhtt sex?
dude i'm inner monologue high
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
