What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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