I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When did angry sex become our thing?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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