Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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